2020 was the best year of my life. I had hoped that it would stay like this forever. On that fateful week starting March 16th, I was home hoping to hear that the city would be shut down. The night before the news I couldn’t sleep. I felt like a kid on Christmas Eve, hoping for the only thing I wished for to be under the tree the next morning. You see a citywide shut down meant that I didn’t have to rush to be somewhere I didn’t want to be, around people that I didn’t want to be around – for an unnecessary amount of time – wearing clothes that I didn’t want to wear, doing work that I didn’t care about or that didn’t help me grow personally or professionally.

A citywide shutdown meant that every night I could go to bed and sleep soundly because I wasn’t dreading the next morning. A morning that would call for me to pretend to be something that I’m not, in order to get a good grade, keep my job or make someone else happy. A day where I didn’t face discrimination based on my race, sex, gender, age and newest category – personality traits. It meant a vacation from being made to feel bad for being different.

A citywide shutdown meant that for the first time, the entire city would finally understand me and others like me, that have the same struggles. If the city wants to come back better and stronger, then it would have to consider: all the population’s needs, make changes to an old system and prepare to embrace the cry for solitude.

I had started the first semester of my third year in undergrad, three months before the pandemic. I would arrive at the college at 6:50 am every morning, to be greeted by the same security guard that always seemed chipper despite the time. I would walk the halls alone, because only the truly crazy took classes at this hour. Like a mantra I would tell myself, “I have no choice”, as I slowly made my way to the classroom. In hindsight, I believed I had to take that 7am class. So that I can start my hour commute to work around 8am, to arrive around 9am. To sit at a desk for eight hours, to complete work that only took one hour. By quitting time, it felt like days had passed, before heading back to the place I started out for night classes at 6 pm, in order to maintain my full-time credits.

I wasn’t alone. There were footsteps behind me, heading to the same room filled with students who also believed they had no choice. Inside the classroom, there was the girl that must sleep there because she was always the first one in and the snoring boy who liked the corner desk on the right. One after another, we all oozed in, half asleep or half awake, mandated to be here to discuss what we read, like a crack of dawn book club. I would always find a seat in the back, before the professor’s reminder to the stragglers when they finally arrived, “your grade and academic status depends on it.”

In the evening and weekend classes the grind and reminders didn’t stop. Other professors would often warn, “this is the only way of passing this class”. All these warnings sounded familiar. They were like the warnings used in work emails titled “friendly reminder”; alerting us of our expected attendance at meetings, team building events or after work functions; that read “your presence and participation will determine…”.

For three months, I kept up that schedule because I was made to believe that this was the only way it could be done. Every day I had to lose sleep, commute four hours back and forth and sit at desks in crowded noisy rooms, for my goals to be accomplished. An old system that no one cared to improve or update, requiring all of us to work harder not smarter. Even though personal and professional advancement is the goal, it became clear with all the campaigned extrovertism and forced collaboration, there wouldn’t be time for actual studying or deep work.

I’m not alone. Every morning while preparing to walk this path of inevitable burnout, millions of people just like me, share the same plight on a global and local scale – running to places they don’t want to go, tripping on the tug of war between the love of the work vs the loathe of the environment, while being dragged by the hand of a politically correct agenda. By politically correct, I mean when the majority flaunts their power to create and use language, policies and procedures; in order to avoid uncomfortable but necessary conversations and action. And how the aspiring members deliver on it – by falsely presenting themselves as a certain type of person or personality.

In other words, it is politically and socially correct, to be or pretend to be the type of person, that enthusiastically avoids presenting who they truly are. It is also ruled politically and socially correct to vote and cast out any individual or group that doesn’t mirror the same beliefs and practices. Most people adopt this agenda in order to reap political, social and financial gain. These followers not only, welcome and require the same behavior from others but also condemn anyone who doesn’t live by the same agenda – codependence over individualism.

To put it differently, the agenda was designed to dodge difficult discussions that the masses lack understanding or interest in understanding because it has always been easier to facilitate interdependence instead of self-reliance. An agenda that is prevalent throughout society, in our homes, at work and in schools; affecting every generation mentally, physically and financially. Furthermore, this agenda also rejects the human right of well….being human, which entails having the right to different beliefs and practices, that most often affects the minority, while battling the internal question, why do I have to choose between the work and the atmosphere?

Those who choose to follow the agenda, will eventually be confronted with the question – at what cost? At the cost of completely abandoning who you are, what you need and who you want to become, for the sake of….Suffering financially? Never finding love or intimacy? Losing support from friends, family and the community? Possibly. Yet, to spare themselves from these horrible possibilities, they must keep in mind that the agenda does well in playing to the hopes and fears, if they happen to fall short. Or should I say if they allow it to. For me the answer is simple, as I was gifted and cursed with a staunch attitude in favor of routine, solitude and self-care. This viewpoint causes a visceral response of hate and resentment from most people I encounter. However, I know that this way of life is worth the fight.

As that semester ended and a new one began, the fight against introspection continued, ultimately pushing back our progress and fueling the spread. There was a lot of pushback in following protocol, wearing masks and remaining socially distant. Those against enjoying their own company and being alone with their thoughts, visibly struggled at embracing the new normal. Those who relied on the dated system to interject distractions, were forced to shed light on their short comings and resistance to change.

What was once a way of life that was frowned upon and said to be acceptable only to geeks and nerds, the anti-social, socially awkward or social pariahs; was being ruled in our favor a year and a half later. Currently, the minority is growing after being made privy to the psychological, physical, social and economic benefits. The newly enlighten refuse to succumb to the labels adorned by the sociable, outgoing and talkative. And have acknowledged, as well as, shown appreciation for the quiet, calm and reserved; instilling a social savviness that’s grounded in interactions put together by conscientious thought.

I understand that solitude or isolation is not for everyone and admit that meaningful, one on one interactions can be lovely. However, it would be irresponsible of me to not add that those interactions are a rare, god send and not what the majority is fighting for. Their goal is for any interaction; no matter how frivolous, damaging and uneventful. Any interaction that can fuel them to continue pushing their agenda. What is most bothersome about this is the selfishness because the followers of the agenda don’t think the work is being done unless they can walk up and down the aisle watching.

This agenda leads to living hand to mouth. The consequence is a lifestyle that can’t afford to pay for commuting, flunking, dropping out, food, housing, health care, childcare, bullying, depression – the list goes on. It’s one thing if changing who you are, would lead to a better outcome. It’s quite another if it leaves you worse off than when you started. At the core of this selfishness is the need for control over the lives of others, in order to avoid focusing on their own. This causes them to pick just about anyone and anything to fill that void. We all suffer.

Solitude is necessary. It’s necessary to think and create. To study and master. To produce and execute. All brilliance is achieved in solitude. The playwright sits for hours on end in solitude; writing and reading and editing the play before presenting it to the public. The actor memorizes, practices and recites the play a hundred times in solitude, before presenting the final work to an audience. Cramming forty people in a room with constant intermingling for a long stretch of time, thinking that it will help them learn or leave them at their most productive, does in fact guarantee the exact opposite – distractions and counterintuitive action and thinking – it is brilliance cause of death.

Hopes of finding your stride amongst a herd will simply not come true. It’s not until you settle in, alone, for deep concentrated work, will your true self and potential be discovered.

Since the push and pull hasn’t settled, there has been a shift. A shift into personal choice. An uptick in resourcefulness and independence. The part of the population who has decided to seize this opportunity is enjoying choosing the elements of their day, deciding for themselves how much of their time would be spent on what and assigning the remainder to what they love. They have taken a stand, by refusing anything that doesn’t meet their expected work, study and life balance. Excuses of it not being possible can’t exist anymore. And most importantly; painting those that practice and live this lifestyle as having a condition, treating them with shame or leading them to believe that something is wrong; can’t exist either. We deserve to have our needs as part of the discussion as well. Now’s the time.

I received a C in that course. I could have managed a better grade, if what worked best for me – working smarter not harder – was my choice. Since then, my grades have improved, and I have been able to focus on work that helps me grow personally and professionally – what I love. If the city wants to come back better and stronger, then it would have to consider all the population’s needs, make changes to an old system and prepare to embrace the call for solitude.

On March 23, 2020 the world was given a gift. Whether they were ready for it or not. By way of a terrible global pandemic that brought with it illness, monetary loss and death; we were gifted the opportunity to face our truth, acknowledge our strengths and weaknesses and answer some of the hardest personal and professional questions in our lives. In the light of day, we were able to see the breaking point within our relationships, the shortcomings of our marriage, and the broken bonds with our children. We were confronted with how our bosses really feel about us, the flaws in our businesses and if our employees really value their work. By daybreak, we were humbled by the fact that we are not good with money, cooking or coping with crisis. At night, we laid down and struggled with the sobering realization that we hate our job and was left to question who our real friends are. We lost sleep trying to figure out what’s important to us, not knowing where to start in order to find it, and if/when we have to pursuit it alone. This type of insight escapes most people. They can go for years or their entire lives never reaching this type of clarity.

However, the universe has a way of gifting these moments, whether society likes the way it was implemented or not, at the right place and right time. It had to happen. To reach this clarity, the world had to fall quiet. Without self-imposed distractions. For the first time, pending questions to ourselves, our families and communities, and all of society were asked and answered. We played, were creative and served others. When paired with time; to think, plan and execute – look at what we have accomplished, what “couldn’t be done” …. was.

We can’t make the excuse of it not being possible anymore. In an instant, our progress was enhanced from steps to strides. The world can become a kinder, more considerate place, when all the populations needs are a factor. This was already how I lived in my world. I’m glad that the outsiders had a chance to experience it.

Jani Avery is a New York City based writer with subject matter expertise in topics relating to race, sex, gender and social justice.