Mirror Image
By Serena Castillo
I saw him from a distance; there was this glow that was graceful about his presence. There was a light in his eyes, the texture of his hair, the shape of his face, even the way he had walked through the store looking for clothes. His lips full and his tall dark brown skin was beautiful. He was a dream. I always wanted my man to look like that. This man was the man that I wanted -- there was no way I was going to leave here without getting his number. Jade noticed that I was watching someone, she had looked over in the direction of my gaze when she noticed I had been staring there for about twenty minutes.
“Go talk to that man already,” she pushed me in his direction. “He might just want you.”
I gave her an evil look; he had already seen at me. There was no way that I could just stand there now and not talk to him. Continuing to look through a rack of shirts, I worked my way towards him, pushing some shirts to the side in the same rack he was looking in. He smiled at me.
“What kind of shirts are you looking for?” He paused to look down at me.
Smiling back. “Nothing in particular. What are you looking for? I see that you’ve been looking for casual button ups.”
“Yeah, I wear these a lot. It’s what I wear for work.”
I gave Jade a look and she put her thumbs up to encourage me to continue talking to him. He asked me if he could buy me lunch. He invited Jade too. When I asked her if she wanted to come along, she motioned that she had to go home. He said he could drop her home. Instead of taking us for lunch he just went into a drive thru for us. After dropping Jade home, he wanted to take me back to his place, but it was already dark, and it was about to hit 9pm. It was time to go in.
“Maybe next time.” He smiled at me while he parked up in front of my house.
“We can do that. Take my number.” I typed my number in his phone and blew him a kiss.
When I got into the house, my mom was waiting up for me. She was sitting in the living room with the lamp light on. It was strange that she was waiting up. First of all, she was usually at work at this time. When she wasn’t, she was generally asleep. I remembered I was supposed to be home at 5pm to watch my younger sister. I closed the door behind me.
“And where have you been?”
“I went to the mall with Jade.”
She sucked her teeth. “Didn’t I tell you that you needed to be home by 5 so that you can watch your sister so I can go to work? It is damn near 10. I had to call out of work because of you.”
“Mom, I’m sorry. I lost track of time.”
“Do you want me to lose track of money? You won’t have a place to sleep, food in your belly or clothes on your back.”
“MOM! It won’t happen again.”
Getting up, closing her robe, “It better not. I don’t have time to be looking for my son who wants to run around with all these random boys he meets.”
I shook my head. If this were a year ago, she would have met me at the door with her leather belt. Even though she didn’t beat me anymore, she still thought I lie about everything. She never believed me when I told her I was with Jade. She always thought I was going out with all these guys who didn’t exist.
***
The next time I saw him, I was on my way home from school. I was walking with Jade back to my block. He was walking to his car when he stopped to talk to me. Jade gave me a approving look and told me she would text me and walked ahead of me. He unlocked his car door and I got in. This time he told me his name: Charlie. I laughed. I thought it was funny but I’m not exactly sure why at first. But then I knew why: his name just reminded me of a young boy, not an older man. He told me he wanted to take me out and get to know me. We made a date.
Charlie was a great guy so far. His smile, his presence. But something was also a little off about him. He was a little too nice – a little too solicitous, and when people are just a little too nice to me, I think they are looking for something more that I can offer them.
The night he picked me up I made sure I looked my best. He picked me up around the corner from my house so that my mother wouldn’t ask me questions; I had told her I was going over to Jade’s for the night.
Dinner was nice. We went to this fancy restaurant in a residential part of town, then to a movie. After the movie, it was still a little early so we went to get some ice cream from a little ice cream shop by his house. He told me he wanted to take me home with him. At first, I hesitated. He noticed the look on my face and told me he would take me back home if I wanted him to. But I thought again to myself, I was ready; I was interested in getting to know him some more. I agreed to go back to his house with him.
Tonight was the night. I was going to lose my virginity. On the car ride to his place, all I could think about was how bad it was going to hurt. I screamed in my head, but I was excited. Suddenly, I fell asleep.
***
I woke up in a dark room. My mind was blank; I could not fully open my eyes. My heart beat faster and faster. The window was a one-way mirror that showed my own reflection back. The room was cold but dry. I could hear the sound of breathing on the other side of the mirror. “The room is sound proof,” he said from the other side. He also told me that even if I wanted to scream for help, I couldn’t. If I wanted to cry, no one would hear me. I was in a basement. There was another window- like structure on the far left of the room. I thought it would be my escape. I tried to climb up on the chair to break it open but it was not a window, just a thick piece of plastic taped over the wall that gave off a weak reflection.
***
I don’t know how to feel about anything anymore. It feels like I’ve been in here for five years. I’ve been counting the days though. Next to the cot I sleep on, under, I have been scratching the pavement with the number of days I believe I was in here. Forty-six days.
I’ve tried to escape too many times – that’s when he first started to beat me. I fought back the first few times, not anymore. I am always tied up when he comes down now. I am bound to this bed.
I hate the smell of flowers now. Roses to be exact. Every night when he comes into the room, he brings a single rose with him. He would place the rose on the cot and would walk into the bathroom on the other side of the room to draw my bath.
He draws my bath, comes to take me into the bathroom and then bathes me. I cry. He takes the wash cloth and lathers it with soap. He washes my back, then my chest, then finally works his way down to my penis and then my balls. I cry more. My bare-naked body exposed to and hurt by the beautiful man. I would have given him all of my love. How could the one person that I tried to love been the one person who is killing me every day?
Every time I start to cry; he beats me with a leather belt. I cry harder. I miss my mother. All I could think about is my mother.
When I do get out, I know that no man will ever love me again. No one will look at me the same because I’ve been run through. Beaten. Abused. Who would want someone who is broken? It hurts. I might die here.